My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
