Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
