i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we should paint friendship bongs
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