I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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