You're so nebulous sometimes
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
