it wasn't lemon gatorade
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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