After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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