Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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