it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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