Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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