I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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