My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
