Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
