I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
