90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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