i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
