you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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