I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
