I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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