question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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