I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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