my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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