I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
