apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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