Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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