this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
