So drunk its hurt
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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