i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
