I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
