Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
