rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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