I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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