I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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