soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
