She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sext me about skeletons
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
