Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
