You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
