I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize