I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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