It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
