I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
