he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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