You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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