i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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