Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
