My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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