ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
