Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
