I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
