Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
