white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
