The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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