you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
