I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
