it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
