Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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