Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
