So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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