Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
