Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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