I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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