You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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