We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
