i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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