If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
