i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
