just come out here and I will go home with you...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
