sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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