I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
